November

It’s hard to go into my dark days without you. 

You’ve been the focus of my grief for so long, 

I thought it was you but it’s always been me. 

I need these dark days to appreciate that Summer‘s gonna come again. 

The days will be long and glorious and with THAT dark comes their fireflies to light it up. I’m still struggling with these days that get shorter and shorter every afternoon 

there’s not enough light to fill my heart

that’s not just because you’re not here it’s because I am not here.

 Because I have not found the self that will tell me to be patient. 

I have not connected to the part that knows of the place we’ll meet again that this suit of flesh and bone is a test. 

I ride the highs of happiness as if the lows will never come again. 

When they do come anyway around a bend I didn’t see coming, I’m forlorn. 

The highs will never return again. I’m sure of it this time. The light I can’t see at the end of the tunnel isn’t there this time. 

 I’m never thinking of the roller coaster platform where I wait for myself to return. 

“Come with me next time! It was amazing. It was beautiful. The fear,exhilarating, filled my empty heart! Come with me!” 

 I’ll smile and say I’ve already been and my heart is full. Ride til you see a baby deer but remember I am waiting by the turnstile.